Small Group Wedding?

Note: Our wedding did not end up having small groups. Sorry! However, Calvin Dame's homily on what a true UU wedding is was loved by all.

This Saturday I am getting married to a fellow lifelong Unitarian Universalist and religious professional. She is the minister of our Newport, RI congregation and I am a freelance church consultant. I mention this first because I will be away from the computer for a week. Secondly, because it is going to be a huge Big Fat UU Wedding with people from the four congregations we are connected to attending. Obviously not all the members of four churches, but enough to make a very large and exciting UU celebration.

When Calvin Dame agreed to officiate he said, somewhat jokingly, that he'd do it as long as he got to break everyone up in to small groups. I would love to see Calvin break up 350 people into small groups during our wedding! Okay, maybe during the reception to follow. Either way it would add something for sure. Chaos? Maybe. But certainly a touch of intimacy that a large wedding can easily lack.

Though we are not having small groups at the wedding, I would like to make a plug for small group ministry and weddings. As I have been planning on moving for some time, when my small group grew and divided, we decided it would be a good time for me to step down as facilitator and have the two facilitators I was mentoring take over the new groups. We also decided it would be easier for them to find their own unique style of facilitating without me in one of the groups. The result? After the new year I left my group and facilitating at my congregation. At present I am serving on their steering committee and am looking forward to a new group soon, in Newport.

This week I wish I had a small group ministry session scheduled. Yes, I have family and friends, but few things are like a great small group ministry! My suggestion - strongly encourage people to make time for their group before significant rites of passage.

As for me, I'm hoping Calvin wasn't joking! Maybe during his homily he will pause and make people talk in small groups on the meaning of love.

Too many choices?

On the train to Arlington, VA for the April Small Group Ministry conference I read a copy of Scientific American. In the issue was an article entitled "The Tryranny of Choice". The author, Barry Schwartz, describes research examining how we feel when we have various degrees of choice. The research highlighted in this article suggests that we feel good when we are given freedom (more choices), but start to feel overwhelmed and bad when we have too much to choose from.

If this is true, what does this mean for Unitarian Universalism?

I suspect that many newcomers do not know how to handle the freedom we offer. Perhaps long time members and friends as well. I cannot say as I have not asked them yet. How many "tracks" or pathways does your congregation offer people for spiritual growth and exploration of various beliefs? Many congregations have a newcomer class orienting people and new UU classes. On the other side of these offerings our members and friends have countless pathways for spiritual growth, almost all of them being up to them to create & follow.

After reading this article I was trying to visualize what this must be like for someone coming from a more structured faith community. I decided that it mus be like walking down a path, taking a sharp left turn, and then ending up in the middle of a parking lot. Why a parking lot? Because a parking lot is what you get when you have pathways leading away from you in all directions -- all path, not grass. Standing suddenly in a vast open UU parking lot I think it is natural for people to simple park and wait.

Enter small group ministry.

I believe that small group ministry is a path. It is a spiritual discipline. Whereas much of what we discuss is principle and philosophy, small group ministry is an immediate action. Join us. Go to church. Participate in this group. Together we will explore, reflect, share and make sense of the world.

Sharing Small Group Ministry at GA 2004

Going to GA? Visit us!
The UU Small Group Ministry Network is having the first ever SGM display table at GA! This will be a place not only to find resources, but to talk to small group ministry consultants, get advice, meet people working with SGM in our congregations, and more.

What's the more?
Well, that depends a bit on how healthy our group of display volunteers is! A small group of us are coordinating the resources ON table, the fundraising to HAVE the table, and organizing people to be AT the table.

Share a story
If you are a seasoned facilitator, coach or minister and would like to spend a half hour with us, send me an email. We hope to have three people at the booth at all times. I will be there along with others answering basic and advanced questions. I would love to have one person per shift to tell their SGM story and another to explain the various resources available. Note: Training available on resources!

At any given time that means we will have three people... One to consult, one to share their story, and a third for general info requests.

UU World visitors

I was just informed that the May/June issue of the UU World has an article on UU Blogs.

For those of you visiting this site because of the article I would love to hear from you.

Do you have a small group ministry?
If yes, what is working? What isn't?
If no, are you interested in launching one?

Send me an email describing the state of your SGM.

You can share general comments about this website and UU Small Group Ministry using this form.

Minister's job security

Small Group Ministry and a shared ministry model is not a threat to the ministers job. This comes up from time to time. When groups are working the participants know each other better than the pastoral staff. As a result the group is able to respond to many needs that a lay ministry committee or the minister herself would have tended to. This may seem like a threat. Will the minister lose work? Will the congregation decide they don't need a minister? If the ministry is shared, what is to become of the professional staff.

Have no fear!

Small groups can do a great job of tending to the needs of participants. This includes responding to basic ministry "tasks" as well as helping more significant ministry needs surface. The small group ministry, when healthy, can identify more pastoral needs than would have been identified previously. The net result is more apt to be on the side of more work for the minister.

When a small group ministry is thriving many basic ministry needs are addressed within groups. This leaves time for the minister to focus on

1. Leadership & lay ministry development
2. UU Faith development/formation
3. Nurturing personal/spiritual growth

When our members care for each other through small groups the minister ends up facing a change in what issues and tasks are brought to the minister. There is a change, but never a lack of work to be done.

The Small Group Iceberg

Yesterday during a phone consultation I used the image of an iceberg to explain what is involved in designing, launching and nurturing a small group ministry. I was encouraged to share this analogy. Here is a link to a description and doodle of my iceberg.
What is the point? Anyone looking into small group ministry - I would like to impress upon you that the actual group meeting or session is only about 1/9th of a small group ministry. There is a lot more to it.

I think it is the other 8/9ths that lead to the fact that many Unitarian Universalist congregations (and non UU too) have trouble getting their groups to grow and divide. This is a common problem. Why? Because of focusing on the groups and not the leadership development, mentoring of new leaders, service, ministry, evangelism, and/or participation in the life of the church. Those are just a few...

If you have thoughts on aspects of SGM that are often overlooked, please let me know.